I have had a difficult time dealing with the passing of Pope John Paul II. By difficult, I mean an uncharacteristically emotional response void of the sweet consolations that are derived from the holy hope of eternal life that I am confident he has entered into. I do harbor those hopes intellectually; in fact, I am quite convinced that God has indicated such (that’s a topic I hope to address at another time). Yet, I have still suffered much, and for a reason that wasn’t readily apparent or understandable.
Let me share some thoughts.
To many, St. Francis is a favorite saint, and justifiably so. This humble man of small physical stature exuded such confidence and love that he had become a living legend in his own day. People from every level of society sought out his counsel and his example. St. Francis knew how not to be afraid; whether he was standing down a wolf or trying to convert the sultan while on a crusade, he never wavered. I had never been as moved by St. Francis as I was when I saw a picture of his humble robe.

To this day I can study its every detail and reflect on the wondrous virtue of humble little Francis and his massive heart. If only I could have lived in that time and place to have loved, venerated and learned from him in person. For a grace like that I would be eternally grateful to God, as well I should.
St. Peter’s example gives me much hope. He had a number of personal faults, yet he still found much favor with Our Lord. Peter spoke and taught with authority. Those listening to him had no doubt about the veracity of what he was saying or from whom he derived his authority. He was the shepherd of Our Lord’s flock. He holds a special place with me not just because he and his successors stand in for Christ in a special way, but because I have such sympathy for his contrition at denying Our Lord.
St. Paul had incredible zeal. How else could he have traveled so broadly proclaiming the good news of Our Lord? St. Paul spoke out to everyone within earshot. He wanted nothing more than to obtain souls for Our Lord. It did not matter what race or region they were from or what their beliefs had previously been. What’s also interesting about Paul is the affection that Protestants have for him in particular. Keep that in mind as we move on.
St. Louis de Montfort is special to me. He helped to inflame my love for the Blessed Virgin Mary. Through him I learned the shortcut to Heaven. St Louis traveled France spreading devotion to Our Lady and her rosary. He tirelessly and at great personal peril fought the heresy of Jansenism. He was the subject of numerous assassination attempts.
St. Alphonsus Liguori is another personal favorite. He is a Doctor of the Church and deservedly so. Two things about him have great impact on me. Foremost would be the depth of his love and understanding of Our Heavenly Mother. The other would be his example of persistently working for Our Lord and promoting devotion to Our Lady while under tremendous pain. He suffered from rheumatism and debilitating headaches, his body deforming so severly that his head was bent so far forward he could only drink through a straw. Yet he went about his duties and at every free moment he could muster, he would write. Often times he held a piece of marble up to his head in an attempt to alleviate the pain while he wrote. He is truly an example of someone carrying a heavy cross valiantly.
St. Joseph is my patron saint. As such he is extra-special, or perhaps I have chosen him for my patron because he is extra-special. Either way, he is the model that I choose to follow, but consistently fail at. St. Joseph was a father and a husband, like myself. He was profoundly devoted to the Blessed Virgin and a most loyal servant to Our Lord. He no doubt was special to Our Lord by virtue of his mission, not to mention his meriting to die in the arms of Jesus and Mary. What this man had to endure physically and emotionally is beyond me. I often have terrible difficulty discerning God’s will for myself, yet I have the benefit of Our Lord’s Passion and Resurrection, the Church with Her treasury of graces, 2000 years of teaching, etc. St. Joseph did not have the same merciful supports that are available to me. I know he merited many graces in order to fulfill his mission, but let's face it, God's grace was much harder to come by back then. What's more is that St. Joseph was responsible for God Himself, and His Holy Mother. I have charge of some souls that while precious to me and to God, they are still much less important than St. Joseph’s charges. St. Joseph will always be THE patriarch and you can always rely on his fatherly care.
What does this feeble attempt at hagiography have to do with Pope John Paul the Great? I will explain.
While reflecting on John Paul’s life, it became apparent to me why his passing was a bigger loss for me than I ever dreamed it would be. At one time, upon my return to the Church (as a radtrad) I didn’t think very highly of him (mea maxima culpa). However, by grace and humility I was led completely into the fold, where I found my shepherd to be quite admirable. I had even stated on numerous occasions that I believed he was a living saint. I have even speculated that he might be a mystic who has apparitions of Our Lord and/or the Blessed Virgin, and that after his death we might hear incredible tales of these things or of miracles performed.
While mourning during Mass on Divine Mercy Sunday (shame on me, I know) and pondering the life of John Paul, especially his last few years, I see in him some of the above saints. In the case of St. Joseph I see in John Paul II a mere reflection (appropriately so), but regarding the others I see an amplification of their virtues in him.
The love John Paul exuded seems to me to be on par with St. Francis. JPII had a different calling, but it was carried out in such charity for God and man that I see St. Francis in him. John Paul's first words as pontiff were "Do not be afraid". Like St. Francis, John Paul lived his life without fear in total resignation to the Divine Will.
John Paul fulfilled Peter’s office in such a manner that I believe Peter would be proud of. No doubt John Paul had the wits, vision and authoritative manner to successfully shepherd the flock from the Chair of Peter.
Who has had as much zeal in reaching for souls as St. Paul? A few saints come close, like St. Francis Xavier. However, missionary work is what he signed up for. John Paul, was a secular priest with a desire to be a contemplative. Yet John Paul’s zeal as Holy Father took him around the world, touching every society. He was sowing Catholic seeds wherever he went by his example, and as is the case with St. Paul, the Protetsants have taken notice. I am confident that soon enough, Our Lord will reap the harvest of souls from the seeds sown by John Paul the Great. In a way, JP was actually able to “out-Paul” Paul by taking advantage of the world we live in, where travel and mass communication is no logistical matter to speak of. St. Paul, must be impressed.
I mentioned above that through St. Louis de Montefort I learned the shortcut to Heaven. The shortcut is this: “To Jesus through Mary”. Sound familiar? It should, John Paul the Great said it often. JPG’s moto was “Totus Tuus” (Totally Yours, referring to Our Mother). I know that our late Holy Father had read St. Louis’ True Devotion to Mary multiple times, as I have done too. One cannot read that book and not come away desiring to give everything to Mary with childlike abandon. Like St. Louis, John Paul spread devotion to Mary wherever he went. Once more, the times and circumstances surrounding John Paul II lent themselves toward him being able to “out-Louis” Louis.
If my young children remember John Paul II at all, it will be a vision of this elderly, patriarchal looking figure in a window trying to shoo a dove away or being hunched over and clutching his head either from pain or in prayer.

I will remember him in the images of his elder years too, because in that vision I see a saint demonstrating to us how to share in Our Lord’s passion. Like St. Alphonsus, John Paul continued to work tirelessly under great physical adversity and pain.

We can’t minimize the import of this example. We all have to suffer from time to time, and most people suffer in the waning years of their life. John Paul’s suffering was somewhat significant, but many others have suffered more (that’s providing Our Lord didn’t heap extra pain on him like as with a victim soul which he very well may have been). What is significant is how he did not complain and kept working, and working hard! The only time he stopped was when his illness stopped him. How many of us, if stricken like JP was, would have kept pushing on like he had?
Pope John Paul was truly our Papa. One only need to view his interaction with people of all walks of life and in particularly with the young, to see that paternal love. You could see the love in his eyes when he engaged with a youngster. That love was evident right down to some of his final words when he said regarding the youth, “I have looked for you. Now you have come to me. And I thank you”. I am of the mindset that nobody could be the father that St. Joseph was, but John Paul certainly followed his example of paternal care.
I offer some other comparisons that didn’t occur to me earlier. John Paul is much like St. Pius X, in that he had exceptional devotion to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and worked to promote frequent Holy Communion and adoration of Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist. St. Pius X attempted to purge the Modernists from the Church, but many just went underground, so to speak. Their errors still exist among clergy to this day as well as a general relativism. John Paul has made great strides in bringing the flock to orthodoxy. Sure, there are still some holdouts like Bishop Gumbleton, et al, but they are a dying breed. There is a new springtime dawning, just as Pope John Paul II promised.
I would also liken JPII to Pope St. Gregory the Great, a Doctor of the Church. He was brilliant and very forward thinking. One could easily argue that the world as we know it would be drastically different if it weren’t for Gregory the Great. He essentially defined the Christianity of the Middle Ages and set the stage for a glorious Christendom.
Therein lies the source of my pain. Who wouldn’t have sought after St. Francis in his day? Who wouldn’t have desired to crawl through St. Peter’s shadow? Who wouldn’t have loved to pray the rosary with St. Louis? Who wouldn’t have followed or even asked St. Paul’s advice on how to become holy? Who wouldn’t have even asked St. Alphonsus to bless their rosary? I know that if the circumstances were to have made it a possibility I would have done all those things….or would I have?
God put me on Earth at the same time as one of His greatest saints, and in a world where that saint was quite accessible to all, and yet this idiot was blind to that grace until it was taken from him. Make no doubt about it, it is one thing for someone like myself to respect and admire John Paul, even proclaiming his sanctity, but another thing to have the heart and intellect to see him as the great grace he was. Had I understood what I understand now, I would have been with those dear souls who traveled, waited in line for, and pushed their way through crowds just to be near him, let alone to touch or hug him lovingly.
I hope to post some other thoughts I have regarding John Paul the Great. That is, of course, if anybody cares to read more of me after reading the above testimonial to my stupidity. ;)