Car shopping

*Updated: SOLD - $244,800 US

I am in the market for a new car. Fashioning myself as a man of the new millennium, the first place I looked was on e-bay. I found this nice little ride that sounded too good to be true. Even the pictures looked really good. It was a little VW Golf (with gas prices as high as they are, I can’t afford a Hummer). The seller said that it was very clean and had low miles, because it was driven by a little old cardinal, who only drove it to Mass on Sundays. I thought, “Wow! I really need to check this ride out”.

So I arranged a time to inspect and test-drive the car. I have to tell you; I was a little let down once I arrived. The first thing that I noticed was some rearend damage. It was considerably more than just a scratch. The right tail light was broken and translucent red tape was placed over it!



I figured that I would check the rest of the car out and if the rest of it seemed okay, I would take into account the cost of the repair when bidding.

Anyway, I was a little surprised when I went to check out the interior. The seller had told me that the original owner had already cleaned his stuff out, and that the car was ready for sale. When I asked about it, the seller apologized and said that he had just misspoken. Apparently the owner received an important promotion and hasn’t had time to clear everything out yet. When I opened the door and looked in, the first thing that caught my eye were the incense burn holes on the seats. I was not pleased about that, but I figured that that is nothing a set of fuzzy sheepskin seat covers couldn’t fix. The owner had tricked out a few of the fixtures, which I thought was pretty cool. I was especially fond of the custom shifter.



Boy was I shocked when I looked in the back seat. I have kids, so I am accustomed to a messy backseat, but who would have thought a cardinal of the Catholic church would have one too? Don’t ask me what’s up with the empty Holy Water bottles in the back seat, because I don’t know.



After viewing the back seat is was a little leery of looking in the trunk, but I popped the lid anyway. I was actually surprised. Other than a few personal effects it was immaculate!



Just as I was about to take the car for a test-spin, the original owner walked up; he came to remove his belongings. He seemed like a nice enough fellow. He must have an injured leg because he was carrying this long cane with a crucifix on top. We chatted for a bit, and then he revealed to me that by using a little German ingenuity he had souped the car up a little, and that it was quite the sleeper. Apparently, one time when while the owner was stopped at a traffic light in Milan, some cardinal pulled up next to him, reving his engine. The other guy must have thought he was a worldly badass, because he had a Ferrari. The owner then told me that he has this special chrism that he adds to his gas and it makes the car a holy terror. He said that when the light had turned green, he stomped on the gas and it darn near threw him in the back seat. With a big smile on his face and a gleam in his eye, he said, “I smoked the cassock off of that Martini guy!” Needless to say, I was impressed and couldn’t wait for the test drive.

The owner said he was running late, and that he had to get back for the Angelus. He wouldn’t have enough time to make it unless he took the VW, which he affectionately called his “Hammer of Heretics”. He asked if for my test drive I wanted to take the care into the city-state and return after praying the Angelus. I thought, hey, I’m Catholic, why not?

He knew the way, so he drove on the way there. I’m telling you, that little German dude has one heck of a leadfoot! When he took off, I bet we hit 3 G’s. I could barely raise my camera up to get a shot off!



The ride was nice. We chatted about all sorts of things. It turns out this guy knows a lot about music and we enjoy some of the same things. We are both big Pink Floyd fans and while we agreed on most things about the band, we disagreed about which was better, Wish You Were Here or Animals.

After we returned the car to the lot, I checked the e-bay listing and it the bidding had become out of my league, so I thanked the kind man for the test-drive and prayer time, and left.

Maybe I’ll just go to the neighborhood car dealer next time.