Holy Father officially in the digital age

The Holy Father has an e-mail address. The Vatican has recently set him up with an account and released it to the public. His address is benedictxvi@vatican.va. I was fortunate enough to get advance notice on his account name and therefore was able to send Pope Benedict XVI his first pontifical e-mail! I have posted it below.

Sender: Alrick.M.Bwalugari
Recipient: benedictxvi@vatican.va
RE: I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE PLEASE

Dear Mr. XVI,

I am Alrick Mohammed Bwalugari, the son of the late Nigerian Los Angeles Head of Sacristans who died on the 6th of June 1999 while in active services. Following the sudden death of my father, Usher Bullem Shitika, the present Diocean Government has thrown my family and I into a state of utter confusion, frustration, and hopelessness, much like the state your detractors are in. I have been subjected to inhuman physical and physiological torture, like being forced to listen to the Protestant hymns and hippy folk tunes and being forced to view liturgical dancing girls. I’ve even been accosted by the hands of a roaming hoard of smiling chatters wishing me peace! I was only recently released from detention when a friend had successfully proven that it is not a capital offense to receive Communion of the tongue, yet I was still admonished not to kneel for Communion by the lady who doles out the Eucharist like a G I throws pieces of chocolate to children in occupied lands.

The incumbent diocean administration of Chief Oroger Omahoney has intensified his probe into my late father's devotions while in the office and he has frozen all our local and foreign accounts together with other tithes in support of his monstrosity of a cathedral as a retaliation for 2000 years of Catholic piety. As a matter of fact, we have been declared bankrupt and they are not relenting to make us poor for life, but when I complained to the authorities he pledged cooperation, yet has not released any relevant records.

As a man that is so traumatized, I have lost confidence with anybody within my diocese as all those who benefited immensely from the redemptive actions of Our Lord have openly abandoned the Faith.

MY REASONS FOR CONTACTING YOU.

I got your contacts through my personal research (blog hopping) and out of desperation decided to reach you through this medium.

You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the recovery of various huge sums of money tithed by my late father in different parishes and missions throughout the world. Some of these parishes and missions willingly gave-up/divulge their supporters and disclosed to the present civilian administration of Chief Oroger Omahoney and every other cause, all my family's cash tithes, so now I receive requests for money every single day!

Please my dear, I repose great confidence in you and I hope you will not betray my confidence in you. You have the power to make everything right.

I have secretly deposited a Peter’s Pence donation for the sum of $45,700,000.00 with a security firm whose name is withheld for now until we open communications. The money is contained in a metal box reliquary with a Parish Envelope Number.

I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your Bank account for safekeeping. This arrangement is known to you, my junior brother (Abigass) and my lawyer (Abiggerass) only. So I will deal directly with you. I am proposing a 30% share of the fund to you for your kind assistance. I shall provide for you all the documents of the fund deposit with the security firm, and raise a power of attorney to enable you claim and receive this fund into your bank account.

Also this transaction demands absolute confidentiality, my name must not be released or sold. I couldn’t mail enough envelopes in a lifetime to use up all of my free return address labels; even my young children won’t play with them anymore! On no condition must you disclose it to anybody irrespective of your relation with the person, not even your confessor! Remember, Loose lips sinks ship.

I am looking forward to your urgent and positive
response via this email (boscoe310@yahoo.com).

Best regards

Alrick Mohammed Bwalugari.


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PSS Pass this on, Bill gates will give everyone who receives it a million dollars.

>I’m a lawyer, so I can tell you it’s true!

Poor Benedict. This is just the beginning for him. ;)